Do you want to get things done?
The most important connection you have in your life is with yourself!
Learn how to make this connection by using your courage to get things done!
Dr Brené Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston, started research on believing connections are why we are here.
When you fully get that connection with yourself, that also means the links with other people can be more significant as well…
We have been talking about connections, and the most important connection you can have in your life is the one you have with yourself!
Background to her research -
- She believed that if you cannot measure something – it does not exist
- Research started with connection - why we are here. The ability to feel connected is essential to our neurology.
- She found out when you ask people about love, they tell you about heartbreak, when you ask about belonging, tell you about exclusion, and when you ask about connection tell you about disconnection
Significant knowledge gained while doing the study -
- Shame is created through the fear of disconnection. Is there something about me that if other people knew would make me feel shame. This fear then is linked to "I'm not good enough".
- Deconstructing shame showed that shame was about not believing you are worthy of connection
- Opposite shame to this is a sense of worthiness. These people have a strong sense of love and belonging, and believe they are worthy of connection.
- Wholehearted people have a sense of worthiness
Two things that are the make-up of wholehearted people -
- Courage - tell the story of who you are with your whole heart—daring to be imperfect. Compassion to be kind to yourself first and then to others. Connection as a result of authenticity.
- Fully embraced vulnerability. What made wholehearted people vulnerably made them real people. They believed vulnerability was necessary to have a whole life.
The types of vulnerability wholehearted people shared were -
- Willingness to say I love you first.
- Willingness to do something when there are no guarantees.
- Willingness to invest in a relationship that may or not work out.
Some examples of what makes people feel vulnerable are
- having to ask my husband for help as I am sick and we are newly married
- initiating sex with husband
- initiating sex with wife
- being turned down
- waiting for the doctor to call back
- being laid off
- having to lay off people
Why we struggle with vulnerability is because we want to numb out feeling we find difficult –
- numb out being most - in-debt, obese, addicted and medicated adult cohort in USA history.
- numb grief, shame, fear - I don't want to feel these
- unfortunately, we can't selectively numb the bad without numbing the good so when we numb the bad we numb joy, gratitude and happiness
- we make the uncertain certain - the more afraid we are, the more we want to make the uncertain certain without discourse
The problem is that we aspire to be perfect - take fat from butts and put in cheeks, and we attempt to perfect our children.
Our children are created imperfect though they are wired for struggle, and they are worthy of love and belonging
We pretend what we do doing doesn't have a significant impact on other people or organisations. When things go wrong, we need to be authentic, and say we are sorry we will fix it.
Ways forward -
- love with whole hearts - even though there is no guarantee
- Let ourselves be seen - deeply seen
- Practice gratitude and joy - stop and say you are grateful
- I am enough – believe in yourself - know we are enough
Now, think about yourself and how you are allowing yourself to be seen -
What would happen if you loved with your whole heart?
How would it be if you used your partners love language as you connect to them with your whole heart?
What would happen if you practiced gratitude and joy daily?
How would it be if you choose to believe in yourself?
What if you are enough?
You might need some assistance, and I have techniques in this area that can support you.
Contact me by replying to this email or give me a call.
This link connects you to the different ways you can contact me,
I look forward to hearing from you